MAC Wk2 BP#4 FreePost

Conquering the Great Wall

This is my free post for the week.  I should be writing about my final project, or some other very important project.  The first thing about that is I'm not sure what I want to do and  more importantly, I'm scared to death to do it.  I should be writing or planning furiously and I'll be honest, I am not.  

Sunday School students, Darkhan, Mongolia

As I look at the picture (bad picture, but a great day!) I am standing on the Great Wall of China.  It seems like it was ages ago, but feels like yesterday.  I wasn't afraid of anything.  I was bold, and free, unhindered and sure of myself, my faith and my God.  That was 16 years ago.  What happened to that person standing on the wall? 


Just a week and a half before, I was in Mongolia.  I was the same.  Happy, sure, strong in faith and purpose. Then I returned from the city I was visiting ( I traveled to different places in Mongolia) and went back to the capital.  We had one week left and then we were flying home.  


Without going into details, I had a brief falling out with the people I was traveling with.  The problem I had was I had no place to stay!  I think it was designed to punish me for some offense, to teach me a lesson.  I still had to work with them, but couldn't stay with them.  

my hotel room in  Ulan Bataar, Mongolia

One of the missionaries in the office in which I was working got me a room in a nearby hotel, not far from where I had been staying.  I got in, got settled and cried myself to sleep.  

The next morning, I got angry with myself.  I was absolutely terrified, but angry nonetheless.  I had 2 choices; sit here and feel sorry for myself or get up and take a chance.  I got up and took the chance.  I got ready, gathered my things and walked out the door and walked to the office.  

I had done it!  I navigated the city, even the Mongolian shortcuts through neighborhoods!  I made it to the office before any of the others, ALONE!  I didn't wait for their approval, I changed the rules.  From that moment on, my life was different.  

So what has this to do with my project?  Actually, everything.  As I read "The Art of Possibility" by the Zanders, I realize there was a time when I did create new rules.  I did realize it was all invented.  

Somewhere along the way, I've lost my way again.  I think of Roz Zander's story about the rafting trip and the directions.  Tuck up, reach out.  It seems so simple and inconsequential until you are thrown overboard.  Then it can be the very thing that saves your life.  

Attending Full Sail has been to me like my trip to Mongolia.  It was scary, difficult, challenging and still the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.  It is the struggle that makes me stronger, the challenges that make me grow.   And I guess I want people to know that I may not be the most creative, or funny, or whatever, but I am me. My dad used to say, "I'm not the best, but there's nobody better."  There is only one me.  There is no one else like me.  And most importantly, the things I have learned and continue to learn, I am indeed taking to heart.

My point:  I had fallen out of the boat and I'm trying to get back in.  All of the things I've heard, felt, compared myself to, are screaming so loud in my head.  My fears, anxieties, my lack of confidence.  I doubt my contribution, and the difference I can make for others by sharing my AR project.  

the metamorphosis complete

So, maybe, just maybe, if I write all these feelings out, and share it, maybe someone will know they are not alone. Maybe this sharing will make a difference to one person.  Maybe I can chisel away and unload some of this stone that is keeping the beauty of the statue from being revealed.  Maybe by fighting my way to the end of this and walk down that aisle at graduation, I'll have found my strength again.  Maybe, I can write a new song for my life--again.